a month to remember!

Well to say the past few months has been crazy is an under statement! God has been so good to us and keeps revealing that he is in control.  While I am starting to run out of Laura wisdoms (actually not my wisdoms at all), my brain is mush and I am sitting on the couch surrounded by laundry, moving boxes, and toys.  I know I should be doing one of the one million things on my list but I just decided forget it.  I am going to take some me time and explain where we have been the past few months.  John says I don’t post enough pictures so this blog is going to be full of them!

Beginning of September JOHN thought it would be a brilliant idea to start potty training Everett……whatttttt!  I told him that he had lost his mind and that my plan was to start after Christmas.  John argued that since I already bought a little potty (got it a while ago because it was onsale)  than what are we waiting for.  I love that my husband has a brillant idea on a Sunday afternoon and than he is gone all week long and I have deal with the consequences.  ie. poop and pee on the floor, tantrums and the dog attepting to eat his poop.  Yes it all happened.  I don’t ever wish potty training on ANYONE!  Lets be honest…..it sucks!!!  But guess what…..we are POTTY TRAINED!  So this video is when we finally mastered the poop on the potty.  John promised Everett if he pooped on the potty Elmo would come. In which I pulled John aside and asked him how exactly we were going to make that happen.  He just shrugged it off and told me I would figure it out……well I did the best I could and this is what I came up with.  

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Now that it is finished I am really glad John pushed for potty training.  It is nice to only have to change one child’s diaper instead of two! 

End of September some of my sorority sisters came to visit.  John was out of town so it was all girls minus Everett and Lawson of course!  It has been so awesome to walk through life with these women.  We are all at pretty difference places in our life.  It’s always refreshing to hear about their journey.  Next big date…..SARA’s wedding!  Can’t wait!  I’ll try real hard not to be pregnant! J

 

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Well the big news is that we are MOVING!  We were told we have 30 days to find a new place to live because our landlord is selling this house.  We were shocked to say the least.  We knew God would provide direction, but we weren’t expecting the direction he provided.  After searching for about a week I began to think we may be homeless for a few reasons. 

1.     The rental Market to booming around here.  Houses are going for much more than they did when we moved in.  We would have to pay around 1800-2000$/m

2.     There are not a lot of 4 bedrooms available.  Most houses are 3 bedrooms.  We can definitely live in 3 bedrooms but it is nice to have a place for our parents to stay when they come and visit. 

3.     Because the Market has boomed most owners don’t want renters with pets.  And did I mention we have a cat and a 90lb dog.  I understand that they can be picky and honestly if it was my house I would probably say the same thing.  The thing that is funny is that my animals are not the ones that are going to mess anything up…….its my kids that should have a deposit! 

So even if we could pay 2000$ a month for a 3 bedroom, none of the houses I called about would accept pets. Soooooooo what's a girl to do…….cry, pray, and buy a house!  Yep sounds crazy I know.  If you know anything about John and I, it's that we love looking at properties online for fun.  I had seen this property (great neighborhood, great school district) a while ago and thought it had a lot of potential.  I never thought much more of it until John looked at me in one of breakdown moments and said “we could buy”.  Hmmmmm I wonder if that house I saw a few months ago is still available??  Surely not but let me check.  I yelled to John from the kitchen, “you are not going to believe this, that house is still for sale and they just dropped the price.” 

Long story short we went to see the house the next morning, wrote up a contract and are supposed to close on the house next Friday!  We continue to pray through this process and know God’s timing is perfect!  

We already have a lot of plans for the house and can’t wait to keep you updated!  I think there will be a lot of before and after pictures!  John said yesterday…..”well looks like the blog will become our house project blog.”  Maybe not a young house love blog, but a room by room update! 

On a side note you might be wondering “but I thought they had to rent because John’s job is pretty mobile.”  This is all true and honestly there are no guarantees.  The good news is that John’s boss gave him his blessing to buy (although this doesn’t mean he can promise anything) and the rental market is really good so if we need to move we can rent it without a problem. 

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Oh yea and in all this chaos John and I had our 4 year anniversary!  We went to the Florida keys! Some much needed down time.  Thanks Mom and Dad for watching the kiddos!  

 

living simple: what I need vs. what I want

When I went off to college my Dad gave me a credit card and said “Laura this is for your groceries, use it on things you need vs. what you want.” Every time I used that credit card I looked twice in the cart before I checked out. Did I really need whatever I was getting? This resonated with me throughout my years at TCU and still to this day I think about those simple words. Yes there were a few purchases that we still laugh about today... ie. “The Library” which Dad really thought was a library until he found out it was actually a bar during one visit to campus! Imagine his surprise. I just chalk it up to being 21. But back to the point!

Why does it feel so good to clean out our closest and take a huge bag to goodwill? It’s not just because I am donating to charity, it is because my closest is clean. Less stuff cluttering the shelves and floor and making me feel a bit cleaner on the inside too. Why do I feel cleaner and on the inside by just throwing away some old clothes? I think God clearly explains my feelings in Matthew 6:19-24.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

Where your treasure is, there your heart will also be! Talk about some self-reflection!! What I am realizing is that it is not the stuff that holds me down, making me feel cluttered and un-clean, it is my heart. By staying in the Word and living with a daily mindset that yields all of my possessions are from the Lord and belong to the Lord and are not mine, I give over the idol of stuff and I become free to live as God calls me. It is not focusing on denying myself, but a mindfulness of how things I want can become idols. Sometimes a good thing can become a god thing.

Don’t lose your head over what perishes. Nearly everything does perish: so face the facts, don’t rush after the transient and unreal. Maintain your soul in tranquil dependence on God; don’t worry; don’t mistake what you possess for what you are. Accumulating things is useless. Both mental and material avarice are merely silly in view of the dread facts of life and death. —Evelyn Underhill, The House of the Soul and Concerning the Inner Life

I find this even harder since having kids. I want to buy them everything I think they could ever want but I struggle realizing their happiness is not dependant on what I give them, but rather what I teach them. I remember going to Mexico on mission trips and watching the kids play on the street for hours with sticks and rope. They were just as happy as my 2 year old with a house full of toys. It is a daily decision to choose between needs and want. By embracing simplicity, I am free to celebrate the abundance that God provides!

a mother's guilt

It is one of those things that only a mom can truly understand. It is a feeling that the devil must have invented! It can range from a feeling I get when I use the TV as a baby sitter (while I just jump in the shower…..really quick ) to a feeling of pure terror when there is a close call that I know could have been avoided. It’s good for you to know I am not a person who makes excuses for my shortcomings but being a mother often turns those shortcomings into major feelings of fault and guilt!

It was a normal Thursday afternoon around 4pm. I had just finished giving our 3 month old daughter, Nora, a bath in the kitchen sink (puj tub) and Everett, our 2 year old, was awake from his nap. I put Nora in the bouncer on the counter top (which I did often) to keep her away from the 90lb lab and the 23lb toddler either of which I fear will smother her before I turn my back. I strapped her in and ran to the other room to grab the laundry basket. I was walking back out of the bedroom toward the kitchen when I heard the dreaded sound. Wham! Sheer horror and fear swept over me. I found her face down on the tile floor still, strapped into the bouncer, blood visible from beneath. I flipped the bouncer as she wailed from the fall. As I clutched her in my arms and dialed 911 the mother’s guilt set in. I tearfully screamed my address to the 911 operator and kept saying over and over “I am so stupid, I know better than that, I should have never walked away, she should have never been on the counter, I’m a terrible mother.”

Since, Nora is doing wonderful! Given the circumstances it is truly a miracle. After the ER cleared her, John and I brought her home and had a long night of little to no sleep. I took her to the doctor the next morning and he couldn't even find the bruise on her chin or the cut inside her mouth where they said the blood had come from. His exact words were "I know you say she fell but I can find no evidence of ANYTHING wrong with her. She must have been surrounded by angels because these types of falls typically end much worse."

Nora is fine, but I on the other hand am still struggling with the memory of finding her face down on the floor in her own blood. My emotions range from guilt, sadness, joy, thankfulness, to pure disbelief. While I was attempting to wash the burp cloth I thought I might have to throw it away because of the stains from the blood. However, after a few minutes the entire cloth was washed clean and there was no evidence of blood! I was reminded in that moment that Christ blood washed my sins clean and I no longer have to live with the guilt and pain but must live in awe of His mercy and grace!

It has taken me about a month to get the courage to tell you this story because of the shame and guilt I have carried with me since that terrible day. Many of you reading this are probably shocked that I have kept this a secret. That was not my intention. It was just too painful to talk about. Even now I don’t tell you this story to be comforted and honestly wasn’t planning on telling this story at all. I wanted it to be distant nightmare, and never talk about it again. It wasn’t until talking with a friend I realized that this feeling of guilt is so common for mothers and it can eat us alive if left unchecked. It is like a stabbing knife into the depths of your soul. Not being good enough or undeserving of our blessings is exactly what the devil wants you to believe about yourself. You can only be freed when you truly understand that God loves you and your children more that you could ever love them yourself. You are forgiven by Christ so PLEASE forgive yourself!

Romans 8:1- "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

i cant afford to have kids...

If you are anything like me, a planner, then the discussion about having children included talking about everyone’s favorite subject: MONEY! How much do we have right now, how much are we going to have by the time he/she is born, how much is college going to cost us, what if our child is a girl…? You always hear that having children is so expensive. When John and I were first married, we naturally talked about children. We both already knew that we wanted kids, but when and how many? I leaned on the side of waiting a while (maybe 5 years) because we needed to save up a lot of money, while John sided with starting soon so that we could have time for a large family.

During these months of discussion with John, I was working in the Duke ER. There I met an ER nurse, male, in his 40s. He had 6 kids! And his wife stayed at home. He made the same amount of money as me, which was not that much back then. After revealing to me that he had 6 kids I had to ask how they afforded it. And his response shocked me. “What do you mean how do I afford it?” We dialogued about it frequently and after asking some of my “unfiltered” questions, I learned that NO they were not on government assistance as you might think. They lived very simple. One car, small house, no cable, and he wouldn’t change it for anything! He told me they live a very blessed life and was fortunate to have what they did. I thought he was crazy at first, but now I’m not so sure. I have never forgotten his story and what a lesson it was for me.

So, was one more mouth to feed really going to break the bank, or was it the reality of having to love, teach, shape and embrace another person 24 hours a day for the rest of their life that scared me? Considering all this, college funds shouldn’t be a prerequisite to conception. I don’t want to be misinterpreted, we knew we had to be responsible for our child’s well being, food/shelter, but finally realizing that showing a child the love of Christ and raising them up in the Lord was our most important role.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

John and I had a similar discussion when I decided to stay home as mentioned in an earlier blog. Could we afford for me to stay home? A question that I hear so often from other working moms. When I was doing some web browsing I found a poll that said 90% of working mothers would stay at home if they could afford it. While this might be a reality for some, I can guarantee that this is not true for all 90%. What the 90% should say is I can’t afford my current LIFESTYLE to stay at home with my child. This was a difficult realization for me but was it was necessary for me to finally understand in order for God to use me as he intended in our home. No, we couldn’t afford for me to stay home if I shopped at Nordstrom, bought groceries from Whole Foods, if we were members of a work out club, had 500 channels on cable TV, owned a brand new, high-end “mommy” SUV, and went out to eat multiple times per week. But God called me to have children and let them be a blessing for us, and I wasn’t going to let my fleshly desires get in the way of God’s blessings upon us...

Genesis 1:28
And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

What do you think about putting off children until the bank account is overflowing?

the trend of going natural

Clearly there has been a break in blog posts recently. This was not intentional… I HAD A BABY! It’s hard to believe it has already been a month since our new arrival. John and I are slowly getting accustomed to the newborn routine, but this little stinker isn’t quite as easy as our first child Everett.

the labor story…

One month ago, around 2am I realized, yep this is it! My contractions were pretty mild and at my last check up I wasn’t quite 100% but there are a few other details (I will leave out to keep the PG rating of this post) that made me pretty confident this baby girl was coming soon. This time we planned on trying to go “natural” again. Meaning without an epidural, a feat that I was disappointed in myself for not accomplishing with my son Everett. Since labor with Everett was a grueling 25 hours after getting an epidural 14hrs in, I was bound and determined NOT to go to the hospital too soon! So I jumped back in bed and told John to get out the i-Pad because we were going to watch a movie. Contractions were coming pretty consistently every 3-5 minutes but they weren’t nearly as painful as I remembered from Everett’s labor. So after the movie was over I took a shower. John was getting a little antsy and nervous (typical). I think he just wanted to get to the hospital and make sure we weren’t going to have to deliver on the side of I-95. By 6am I called the doctor and told her I was in labor. And oh by the way, my parents were staying with us so now all we had to do was wake them up and let them know we were leaving… haha. John didn’t feel comfortable going in there so I (in labor let me remind you) went in there room. I stood at the foot of the bed feeling like I was 5 years old again saying “mom, dad… wake up”. You would have thought I put a blow horn to their head because they jumped out of bed like the house was on fire! Both a little foggy, my dad said “we’re going to have a baby?!” I walked out thinking, no Dad I am going to have a baby, but you’re welcome to endure the pain for me.

We got to the hospital and checked in just in time for shift change, awesome. There I was checked again and, hallelujah, 2 cm and 100% effaced though I was somewhat disappointed hoping for more progress. We were admitted to a room where the nurse monitored me for an hour and checked me again. I had progressed to 5cm! HOLY COW… I then realized this was going to be a much faster labor! This time John and I had a different plan then the one we went into Everett’s labor with. For those of you who know the story, there was a lot of walking… prior to the epidural. This time I put on my sound proof ear phones and listened to a little country mixed with some Michael Buble’. Almost hysterically, 2 hrs later I was 10cm and while yes I was in pain and doing some intense visualization I didn’t ask for any pain medication. (intentionally leaving out some graphic details here) 2 pushes later Nora Kathryn came into this world! It was a wonderful, beautiful experience and it made me regret the disappointment I had during my son’s delivery.



Going into both my son’s and now this delivery I had hopes of going natural. WHY??? My answer is pretty basic… just to see if I could. As John says “you did a half iron man, you totally got this”. Thanks babe, but does it even compare. When I didn’t go natural with Everett I felt guilty and disappointed. I felt like I just wasn’t strong enough. Not until Nora’s birth did I realize that every labor is so different! Looking back I would have gotten an epidural much sooner with Everett because I needed it. My labor was much more painful with Everett and my body couldn’t relax.

I am not one that watches “the business of being born” (a movie starring none other than Rikki Lake) one too many times and am convinced that medicine is from the devil and doctors are just there to get your baby out as fast as they can. No, I believe that epidurals are AMAZING, and I thank God everyday for the advancement in medicines. As a nurse, I realize that women take this natural thing way to far! Yes it is beautiful thing if your body allows you to go without medication. I now realize that every delivery is so completely different. I remember a close friend of mine (who is a labor and delivery nurse) saying whenever a woman gives me a birth plan I try not to let her see me roll my eyes. Now I know why she said this. If you plan your delivery and God has a different plan, you might find yourself disappointed and feel like a failure when it doesn’t go as planned.

Childbirth whether by C-section, assisted, with an epidural, or natural is a miracle and NO one should ever be disappointed in themselves! Natural childbirth should NOT be the goal… a HEALTHY baby should. I feel very blessed to have experienced both sides of childbirth and wouldn’t trade either of them!

the career dilemma...

The idea of staying home can sound so appealing when you’re at work. While on the other hand, being at home all the time can make working seem extremely glamorous. Why is this? Isn’t the old saying “the grass is always greener on the other side”? It must be nice to stay at home watching soap operas, working out, and going to the pool all day while your husband is at work. Must be nice to put makeup on in the morning, wear designer clothes, go to Starbucks and work all day without a screaming child attached to your hip. The two scenarios are really not reality at all, but for some reason each side is convinced the other must be a better, more fulfilling option.

When Everett was born I had quite the dilemma. I had just finished receiving a master’s degree 2 weeks prior, and now I was faced with a decision before even using my degree. 2.5 years of education and money spent to “just stay at home”. At the time I couldn’t fathom it. And in reality, as cute and sweet as his little face was, deep down I still wanted to work. I believe God called me to my profession, so to think he would instead call me to stay home seemed confusing.

I spoke to a lot of friends about my internal battle and decided I would apply for a part time job and if God provided it, which he did, then I would try it for a little bit and see how it felt. In my case, God exceeded my expectations in so many ways including the PERFECT child care situation with our next door neighbor, a woman in her 50s, a teacher, mother, an amazing cook, and let’s just say Everett’s guardian angel. She came to me and offered to keep him because she was going to take a break from teaching for a while. Hello… talk about God saying do not worry about anything “for tomorrow has enough worry of its own.” I had immediate peace about leaving Everett to go back to work.

I got a 20 hr per week job working Monday, Tuesday, Thursday. I LOVED my job. It was everything I could have asked for and more. And NO, I did not think or ever worry about Everett during my days in the office. I know, it sounds kind of non-maternal, but sometimes my instincts are not quite what I see in other women. Don’t get me wrong, I cherish every second with Everett but 20hrs per week of Laura-time was cathartic and I got PAID for it!

About 6 months went by and John started to feel the burden of me working. He didn’t complain but I could tell life seemed more stressful for him on the days I worked. The morning shuffle, late night dinners, things not getting done during the day. And him having to pick up the slack. Even though it was only 3 days a week, I began to realize my decision to work was affecting John, not Everett. Heck, Everett was fine he could have stayed next door 5 days a week and been happy as a lark. People always told me to stay home for your child, but no one ever said stay home for the love of your husband. John knew I loved what I did and always encouraged me to do what I loved. I will never forget the one simple statement he made that changed my mind. “Honey I can’t explain it, things just run better around here when you are at home.” At that point I realized maybe by me staying home John could be a better professional, better father, better husband and ultimately better man.



So is my degree a total waste? Wouldn’t it be wasteful to gain all that knowledge to not use it in a formal work setting? If I had just gotten a high school education staying home would be a no brainer, right? But with 4 years of college and 2.5 years of grad school it just seems harder to stay home. The more I wrestled with my situation, the more I realized my education is an asset to my child. It is gold mine for his ultimate success and well being. Studies have clearly shown that educated mothers have babies that are healthier and more successful in life. The older he gets the more I realize I should forget the master’s degree… I need a PhD to raise this child!

I do not know what God has for our future. I might go back to work in less than a year, or 20 years, I just have no idea. I must trust God’s plan and know that, yes, he called me to be a nurse and a nurse practitioner, but he also called me to be a mother and wife. While all the puzzle pieces don’t seem to fit right now, I know He has an ultimate plan for our life. I realized that working vs. staying home for someone with a promising career can be hard and is a personal decision for each woman and her family. Only you and your family can decided what is best for you.

(Romans 12:1-21) I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

I know I left out a very large variable of this debate….the financial strain on staying home. I started writing and realized it was a blog post all on its own. Stay tuned for next post, “I can’t afford children”.

submitting to our husbands with a not-so-submissive personality

Lets all be honest with our selves, just for a minute, and admit that the word submission has somewhat of a negative connotation. We find this especially true in today’s world where many women are obsessed with being the best they can be in everything we do, and not reaching our fullest potential, whether it be educational, career, or love life, is considered in most cases failure. While very clearly stated in the Bible (1 peter 3:1) “Wives submit to your husbands”, somehow it is an easily left out subject in marriage as if we could delete it from the scripture altogether. I can see it now… some poor soul quotes this verse during a wedding and half the women on the guest list might stand up for a women’s rights rally march in the middle of the ceremony. Out of context, the word submission brings up thoughts of domineering behavior, verbal abuse, women with low self-esteem, and arrogant men, just to name a few. How has this issue, very clearly stated in the bible, been taken SO out of context?

Enter Downton Abbey. John and I have been watching season 1 on Hulu Plus and we are just starting to get in to it, so bear with me as we get caught up. It’s a show set back in time about a very wealthy British family for those of you who haven’t seen it. In last night’s episode the grandmother (Lady Grantham) told her granddaughter that she wouldn’t/shouldn’t have an opinion on any subject matter until she got married… and after that it would be her husband’s opinion that mattered and not hers, she would be forced to share her husband’s opinion on every issue. This is the perception of submission… not able to have an opinion at all. It kind of made me laugh because I started thinking about my own opinions, and sometimes, well let’s just say I generally ALWAYS have an opinion on things, and am usually quite vocal about them. It’s important to note here that the bible was not written for just one kind of personality, it was written for everyone. I know I have a strong personality and therefore the concept of submission might be more difficult for me to adhere, yet I also know that God “created my inmost being” (psalms 139:13) and he knew I would have an opinion, and a strong one at that. He didn’t create me like this to set me up for failure. He intended to use it for His glory. “All things work together for his glory and our good” (Romans 8:28).

Over the past few years I have been learning about submission through various studies and our church’s small groups. The concept didn’t fully hit home for me until I studied 1 Peter in a women’s bible study about a year ago. The 2nd part of 1 Peter, chapter 2 talks about slaves being submissive to their masters regardless if the master is right or wrong. God makes the reason for this very clear in 1 Peter 2:21 “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps.” When they hurled insults at Christ, he did not retaliate, when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. You can also read Isaiah 53:7 which also talks about Christ submission.

The bible outlines submission by starting with the relationship between master’s and slaves and compares it to Christ submission to unjust suffering on the cross. Paul goes on to explain (1Peter 3:1) “Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands.” You might say, the same way as what? The same way Christ was submissive to God and his sovereignty.

Ok, so I get that God calls me to be submissive, but the more important thing to understand is WHY he calls us to be submissive. 1Peter 3:1 goes on to say “so that, if any of them (ie husbands), do not believe the word, they may be won over without words but by the behavior of their wives”. Read that five times and them meditate on it over night... It took me a long while to fully understand, almost 3 years of marriage.

Paul isn’t saying not to have an opinion; he is saying that wives are to be an example of Christ to their husbands. WOW do you fully get the magnitude of that. Talk about great responsibility! Sometimes this does mean keeping silent even when you know you are right, but it also means loving our husbands just as Christ loved me when I was not lovable. If Christ was submissive and endured the cross for my wrong doings, then the least I can do is submit to my husband as an example of Christ’s love for him. I am untimely submitting to Christ.

While you might ask “how’s that working out for you Laura??” Ha hah, funny you should ask. I said earlier that I am finally beginning to understand it, but fully living out this submission thing is another story. I must say since learning why God calls us to submit, it has helped me, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still a daily struggle. Pregnancy hormones and a toddler haven’t made submitting any easier, and as John says sometimes, I still “see red” and break out the “ugly cry” when things don’t go just as I plan.

In closing, I will say that if this is something you struggle with, know that it will get worse before it gets better. What I mean by that is if your husband isn’t used to you letting his decision be the final decision it can sometimes be uncomfortable for him. And there will be many internal struggles for the both of you. It is new territory that he has to be confident it also. The weight of the decision is now on his shoulders, as it was designed to be because he is the head of the household. While you might want to hold his hand through it, prayer for him is the only strength you can give him. I used to pray for John and then he would come home from work and I would tell him I prayed for his decision-making (not sure why I thought it necessary to tell him). A very wise biblical counselor once told me, “don’t tell him you are praying for him, just do it and watch as God answers your prayers”. Boy was she right!

why the insanity?

For the past 4 years John and I have lived in Fuquay Varina NC just outside of Raleigh. This is where we bought our first home, got our first dog together and had our first child. We loved our church and immediately met friends that loved and served the Lord. I finished my masters degree and was working some might call the perfect job 20 hrs per week. We learned in June that we were expecting our second child and were elated. So one might ask why move? Not just move but move pregnant, try to sell your house in this terrible economy, quit both of your somewhat ideal jobs, leave your close friends and church, and go to Florida……(I know lots of people love Florida but you have to remember I am a mountain girl and probably one of the fairest skin girls you will ever meet. Needless to say Florida doesn’t have mountains and I have to wear sunscreen year around now ☺) So why the insanity?

Let me first give you a little background. In 2009 John and I got married and moved into our first home together. I was in full time school getting my master’s degree. John was working full time with (we will call) company A. They are a large general contractor. He had been with the company for 4 years and really enjoyed the line of work and jobs he was on. They took very good care of us but he was expected to sometimes work long hours depending on the job. While he loved the work he began to realize that having a family (and somewhat demanding wife) those work hours were not ideal. I became pregnant in 2010. I was due 2 weeks after I graduated from graduate school. Talk about timing. In October 2010 we got a call from company A stating that we were being transferred to Washington DC. Now remember I am 5 months pregnant, we own a house, and I still have 6 more months of my NP residency in Raleigh. We were sad and tried many times to get out of it but ultimately realized we would have to make the move because there were no other options. We decided to keep our house in NC and rent an apartment in DC. After only being in DC for 3 weeks we got a call from a Raleigh based company (company B) who was looking to hire John. We were shocked, but why? We had prayed God would bring us back to Raleigh. We knew that God had plans for us in Raleigh. We should trust in Him and we should to get back as soon as possible.

We knew this was an answer to prayers and we settled back into our Raleigh home with John now working for company B. Our son was born shortly after and I stayed home for the first 7 months until finding a perfect part time job as a Nurse Practitioner at a family practice, oh by the way, 5 minutes from our house. We thought this was it. We were going to live in NC for the rest of our carriers and raise our children here. We would raise our children in the same house all through their childhood, just like our parents had. We would give them stability through a house, school and friends. Isn’t that what every child needs?

After a year of being with company B in Raleigh, John began feeling a stirring in his heart. He was now leading a small group bible study through our church and growing closer to the Lord. Many of his emotions and feelings I can’t describe and to be honest I still don’t fully understand but I knew something was not right. He spent lots of time in prayer, talking to friends from church and even seeking out biblical counsel from church leaders. He thought his unsettlement with life/work was from his own feelings of selfishness. He read lots of books, and we spent many late nights talking it out. He kept having feelings of wanting to go back to company A but couldn’t justify why. He knew going back would mean a worse work/life balance, moving frequently and a grumpy wife who loved company B. As he continued to work through his emotions trying to dismiss or justify them, I started realizing maybe I should do a little soul searching myself.

Around this time we started a series at church called Castaway. The study of Jonah. The depth of my study in Jonah previously had involved card board cut outs of a whale and each of us (5 year olds) jumping inside the mouth of the whale. This study allowed me to take a more serious look into the story. (While not going through the entire study I encourage you to read Jonah. It is only 4 chapters long.)

I began to find our life in NC a parallel to Jonah’s story. Jonah had a great deal of bitterness toward the people and place’s God wanted him to go and preach to. I wanted to be in NC, come hell or high water I was not going to DC, Arizona or Florida just because his job said we should. All other parts of Jonah’s life were pretty perfect and ideal. Besides my husband’s constant call to move back to company A, our life was pretty ideal in NC. So why did God bring us back to NC from DC after praying? Jonah 3:1- God always brings us back to the place where we first said no. As with Jonah, there will always be a ship ready to run the other way. The devil always makes things look pleasing. So why does God send storms? (or in our case my husbands inability to fully be satisfied in company B for no explainable reason) “God sends storms to break up our self reliance”- JD Greer. In Jonah chapter 4 he is still trying to justify leaving/disobeying God’s plan. “a spirit of unforgiveness and lack of generosity is an indication you are out of touch with the grace of God in your own life”- JD Greer. As John continued to struggle with his work dissatisfaction, I was resentful and at times angry that he would want to go back to company A and uproot his family. But maybe my lack of generosity and submission not only to my husband but ultimately to God was preventing us from fully living out and resting in God’s plan for our life.

I hate to think that my husband had to go through all this insanity just so God could break ME. After my own soul searching, I have learned my idolatry (stability for my family through a house, and having our closest friends near by) is self-reliance when the security I need can only come through Christ.

We are back with company A, living in Florida and I must say, though I do miss NC, God’s plan is much greater than I could have ever imagined.

If you got this far-
*I am blogging now because many of my friends have asked me questions that I can’t fully explain over the telephone with a toddler screaming in the background. I plan on attempting to answer many of the questions friends have asked me. Some of topics/questions for the next few months will include:

* Submission- why does God call us to submit to our husbands and how do you submit with such a strong personality (yes I have a very strong personality☺)

*Working vs staying home- do you feel like your master’s degree was a waste?

*Spanking vs time out, how do you discipline when you yourself have a temper?

*What you need vs what you want.

*Bad Mind- allowing our thoughts to control us.

I definitely don’t claim to be any kind of expert, in fact 90% of what I have learned have been through other friends and much wiser women than myself. Looking forward to having a cup of coffee with you over my blog twice a month, and if not… it’s at least a little bit of self therapy.