Lets all be honest with our selves, just for a minute, and admit that the word submission has somewhat of a negative connotation. We find this especially true in today’s world where many women are obsessed with being the best they can be in everything we do, and not reaching our fullest potential, whether it be educational, career, or love life, is considered in most cases failure. While very clearly stated in the Bible (1 peter 3:1) “Wives submit to your husbands”, somehow it is an easily left out subject in marriage as if we could delete it from the scripture altogether. I can see it now… some poor soul quotes this verse during a wedding and half the women on the guest list might stand up for a women’s rights rally march in the middle of the ceremony. Out of context, the word submission brings up thoughts of domineering behavior, verbal abuse, women with low self-esteem, and arrogant men, just to name a few. How has this issue, very clearly stated in the bible, been taken SO out of context?
Enter Downton Abbey. John and I have been watching season 1 on Hulu Plus and we are just starting to get in to it, so bear with me as we get caught up. It’s a show set back in time about a very wealthy British family for those of you who haven’t seen it. In last night’s episode the grandmother (Lady Grantham) told her granddaughter that she wouldn’t/shouldn’t have an opinion on any subject matter until she got married… and after that it would be her husband’s opinion that mattered and not hers, she would be forced to share her husband’s opinion on every issue. This is the perception of submission… not able to have an opinion at all. It kind of made me laugh because I started thinking about my own opinions, and sometimes, well let’s just say I generally ALWAYS have an opinion on things, and am usually quite vocal about them. It’s important to note here that the bible was not written for just one kind of personality, it was written for everyone. I know I have a strong personality and therefore the concept of submission might be more difficult for me to adhere, yet I also know that God “created my inmost being” (psalms 139:13) and he knew I would have an opinion, and a strong one at that. He didn’t create me like this to set me up for failure. He intended to use it for His glory. “All things work together for his glory and our good” (Romans 8:28).
Over the past few years I have been learning about submission through various studies and our church’s small groups. The concept didn’t fully hit home for me until I studied 1 Peter in a women’s bible study about a year ago. The 2nd part of 1 Peter, chapter 2 talks about slaves being submissive to their masters regardless if the master is right or wrong. God makes the reason for this very clear in 1 Peter 2:21 “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps.” When they hurled insults at Christ, he did not retaliate, when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. You can also read Isaiah 53:7 which also talks about Christ submission.
The bible outlines submission by starting with the relationship between master’s and slaves and compares it to Christ submission to unjust suffering on the cross. Paul goes on to explain (1Peter 3:1) “Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands.” You might say, the same way as what? The same way Christ was submissive to God and his sovereignty.
Ok, so I get that God calls me to be submissive, but the more important thing to understand is WHY he calls us to be submissive. 1Peter 3:1 goes on to say “so that, if any of them (ie husbands), do not believe the word, they may be won over without words but by the behavior of their wives”. Read that five times and them meditate on it over night... It took me a long while to fully understand, almost 3 years of marriage.
Paul isn’t saying not to have an opinion; he is saying that wives are to be an example of Christ to their husbands. WOW do you fully get the magnitude of that. Talk about great responsibility! Sometimes this does mean keeping silent even when you know you are right, but it also means loving our husbands just as Christ loved me when I was not lovable. If Christ was submissive and endured the cross for my wrong doings, then the least I can do is submit to my husband as an example of Christ’s love for him. I am untimely submitting to Christ.
While you might ask “how’s that working out for you Laura??” Ha hah, funny you should ask. I said earlier that I am finally beginning to understand it, but fully living out this submission thing is another story. I must say since learning why God calls us to submit, it has helped me, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still a daily struggle. Pregnancy hormones and a toddler haven’t made submitting any easier, and as John says sometimes, I still “see red” and break out the “ugly cry” when things don’t go just as I plan.
In closing, I will say that if this is something you struggle with, know that it will get worse before it gets better. What I mean by that is if your husband isn’t used to you letting his decision be the final decision it can sometimes be uncomfortable for him. And there will be many internal struggles for the both of you. It is new territory that he has to be confident it also. The weight of the decision is now on his shoulders, as it was designed to be because he is the head of the household. While you might want to hold his hand through it, prayer for him is the only strength you can give him. I used to pray for John and then he would come home from work and I would tell him I prayed for his decision-making (not sure why I thought it necessary to tell him). A very wise biblical counselor once told me, “don’t tell him you are praying for him, just do it and watch as God answers your prayers”. Boy was she right!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
why the insanity?
For the past 4 years John and I have lived in Fuquay Varina NC just outside of Raleigh. This is where we bought our first home, got our first dog together and had our first child. We loved our church and immediately met friends that loved and served the Lord. I finished my masters degree and was working some might call the perfect job 20 hrs per week. We learned in June that we were expecting our second child and were elated. So one might ask why move? Not just move but move pregnant, try to sell your house in this terrible economy, quit both of your somewhat ideal jobs, leave your close friends and church, and go to Florida……(I know lots of people love Florida but you have to remember I am a mountain girl and probably one of the fairest skin girls you will ever meet. Needless to say Florida doesn’t have mountains and I have to wear sunscreen year around now ☺) So why the insanity?
Let me first give you a little background. In 2009 John and I got married and moved into our first home together. I was in full time school getting my master’s degree. John was working full time with (we will call) company A. They are a large general contractor. He had been with the company for 4 years and really enjoyed the line of work and jobs he was on. They took very good care of us but he was expected to sometimes work long hours depending on the job. While he loved the work he began to realize that having a family (and somewhat demanding wife) those work hours were not ideal. I became pregnant in 2010. I was due 2 weeks after I graduated from graduate school. Talk about timing. In October 2010 we got a call from company A stating that we were being transferred to Washington DC. Now remember I am 5 months pregnant, we own a house, and I still have 6 more months of my NP residency in Raleigh. We were sad and tried many times to get out of it but ultimately realized we would have to make the move because there were no other options. We decided to keep our house in NC and rent an apartment in DC. After only being in DC for 3 weeks we got a call from a Raleigh based company (company B) who was looking to hire John. We were shocked, but why? We had prayed God would bring us back to Raleigh. We knew that God had plans for us in Raleigh. We should trust in Him and we should to get back as soon as possible.
We knew this was an answer to prayers and we settled back into our Raleigh home with John now working for company B. Our son was born shortly after and I stayed home for the first 7 months until finding a perfect part time job as a Nurse Practitioner at a family practice, oh by the way, 5 minutes from our house. We thought this was it. We were going to live in NC for the rest of our carriers and raise our children here. We would raise our children in the same house all through their childhood, just like our parents had. We would give them stability through a house, school and friends. Isn’t that what every child needs?
After a year of being with company B in Raleigh, John began feeling a stirring in his heart. He was now leading a small group bible study through our church and growing closer to the Lord. Many of his emotions and feelings I can’t describe and to be honest I still don’t fully understand but I knew something was not right. He spent lots of time in prayer, talking to friends from church and even seeking out biblical counsel from church leaders. He thought his unsettlement with life/work was from his own feelings of selfishness. He read lots of books, and we spent many late nights talking it out. He kept having feelings of wanting to go back to company A but couldn’t justify why. He knew going back would mean a worse work/life balance, moving frequently and a grumpy wife who loved company B. As he continued to work through his emotions trying to dismiss or justify them, I started realizing maybe I should do a little soul searching myself.
Around this time we started a series at church called Castaway. The study of Jonah. The depth of my study in Jonah previously had involved card board cut outs of a whale and each of us (5 year olds) jumping inside the mouth of the whale. This study allowed me to take a more serious look into the story. (While not going through the entire study I encourage you to read Jonah. It is only 4 chapters long.)
I began to find our life in NC a parallel to Jonah’s story. Jonah had a great deal of bitterness toward the people and place’s God wanted him to go and preach to. I wanted to be in NC, come hell or high water I was not going to DC, Arizona or Florida just because his job said we should. All other parts of Jonah’s life were pretty perfect and ideal. Besides my husband’s constant call to move back to company A, our life was pretty ideal in NC. So why did God bring us back to NC from DC after praying? Jonah 3:1- God always brings us back to the place where we first said no. As with Jonah, there will always be a ship ready to run the other way. The devil always makes things look pleasing. So why does God send storms? (or in our case my husbands inability to fully be satisfied in company B for no explainable reason) “God sends storms to break up our self reliance”- JD Greer. In Jonah chapter 4 he is still trying to justify leaving/disobeying God’s plan. “a spirit of unforgiveness and lack of generosity is an indication you are out of touch with the grace of God in your own life”- JD Greer. As John continued to struggle with his work dissatisfaction, I was resentful and at times angry that he would want to go back to company A and uproot his family. But maybe my lack of generosity and submission not only to my husband but ultimately to God was preventing us from fully living out and resting in God’s plan for our life.
I hate to think that my husband had to go through all this insanity just so God could break ME. After my own soul searching, I have learned my idolatry (stability for my family through a house, and having our closest friends near by) is self-reliance when the security I need can only come through Christ.
We are back with company A, living in Florida and I must say, though I do miss NC, God’s plan is much greater than I could have ever imagined.
If you got this far-
*I am blogging now because many of my friends have asked me questions that I can’t fully explain over the telephone with a toddler screaming in the background. I plan on attempting to answer many of the questions friends have asked me. Some of topics/questions for the next few months will include:
* Submission- why does God call us to submit to our husbands and how do you submit with such a strong personality (yes I have a very strong personality☺)
*Working vs staying home- do you feel like your master’s degree was a waste?
*Spanking vs time out, how do you discipline when you yourself have a temper?
*What you need vs what you want.
*Bad Mind- allowing our thoughts to control us.
I definitely don’t claim to be any kind of expert, in fact 90% of what I have learned have been through other friends and much wiser women than myself. Looking forward to having a cup of coffee with you over my blog twice a month, and if not… it’s at least a little bit of self therapy.
Let me first give you a little background. In 2009 John and I got married and moved into our first home together. I was in full time school getting my master’s degree. John was working full time with (we will call) company A. They are a large general contractor. He had been with the company for 4 years and really enjoyed the line of work and jobs he was on. They took very good care of us but he was expected to sometimes work long hours depending on the job. While he loved the work he began to realize that having a family (and somewhat demanding wife) those work hours were not ideal. I became pregnant in 2010. I was due 2 weeks after I graduated from graduate school. Talk about timing. In October 2010 we got a call from company A stating that we were being transferred to Washington DC. Now remember I am 5 months pregnant, we own a house, and I still have 6 more months of my NP residency in Raleigh. We were sad and tried many times to get out of it but ultimately realized we would have to make the move because there were no other options. We decided to keep our house in NC and rent an apartment in DC. After only being in DC for 3 weeks we got a call from a Raleigh based company (company B) who was looking to hire John. We were shocked, but why? We had prayed God would bring us back to Raleigh. We knew that God had plans for us in Raleigh. We should trust in Him and we should to get back as soon as possible.
We knew this was an answer to prayers and we settled back into our Raleigh home with John now working for company B. Our son was born shortly after and I stayed home for the first 7 months until finding a perfect part time job as a Nurse Practitioner at a family practice, oh by the way, 5 minutes from our house. We thought this was it. We were going to live in NC for the rest of our carriers and raise our children here. We would raise our children in the same house all through their childhood, just like our parents had. We would give them stability through a house, school and friends. Isn’t that what every child needs?
After a year of being with company B in Raleigh, John began feeling a stirring in his heart. He was now leading a small group bible study through our church and growing closer to the Lord. Many of his emotions and feelings I can’t describe and to be honest I still don’t fully understand but I knew something was not right. He spent lots of time in prayer, talking to friends from church and even seeking out biblical counsel from church leaders. He thought his unsettlement with life/work was from his own feelings of selfishness. He read lots of books, and we spent many late nights talking it out. He kept having feelings of wanting to go back to company A but couldn’t justify why. He knew going back would mean a worse work/life balance, moving frequently and a grumpy wife who loved company B. As he continued to work through his emotions trying to dismiss or justify them, I started realizing maybe I should do a little soul searching myself.
Around this time we started a series at church called Castaway. The study of Jonah. The depth of my study in Jonah previously had involved card board cut outs of a whale and each of us (5 year olds) jumping inside the mouth of the whale. This study allowed me to take a more serious look into the story. (While not going through the entire study I encourage you to read Jonah. It is only 4 chapters long.)
I began to find our life in NC a parallel to Jonah’s story. Jonah had a great deal of bitterness toward the people and place’s God wanted him to go and preach to. I wanted to be in NC, come hell or high water I was not going to DC, Arizona or Florida just because his job said we should. All other parts of Jonah’s life were pretty perfect and ideal. Besides my husband’s constant call to move back to company A, our life was pretty ideal in NC. So why did God bring us back to NC from DC after praying? Jonah 3:1- God always brings us back to the place where we first said no. As with Jonah, there will always be a ship ready to run the other way. The devil always makes things look pleasing. So why does God send storms? (or in our case my husbands inability to fully be satisfied in company B for no explainable reason) “God sends storms to break up our self reliance”- JD Greer. In Jonah chapter 4 he is still trying to justify leaving/disobeying God’s plan. “a spirit of unforgiveness and lack of generosity is an indication you are out of touch with the grace of God in your own life”- JD Greer. As John continued to struggle with his work dissatisfaction, I was resentful and at times angry that he would want to go back to company A and uproot his family. But maybe my lack of generosity and submission not only to my husband but ultimately to God was preventing us from fully living out and resting in God’s plan for our life.
I hate to think that my husband had to go through all this insanity just so God could break ME. After my own soul searching, I have learned my idolatry (stability for my family through a house, and having our closest friends near by) is self-reliance when the security I need can only come through Christ.
We are back with company A, living in Florida and I must say, though I do miss NC, God’s plan is much greater than I could have ever imagined.
If you got this far-
*I am blogging now because many of my friends have asked me questions that I can’t fully explain over the telephone with a toddler screaming in the background. I plan on attempting to answer many of the questions friends have asked me. Some of topics/questions for the next few months will include:
* Submission- why does God call us to submit to our husbands and how do you submit with such a strong personality (yes I have a very strong personality☺)
*Working vs staying home- do you feel like your master’s degree was a waste?
*Spanking vs time out, how do you discipline when you yourself have a temper?
*What you need vs what you want.
*Bad Mind- allowing our thoughts to control us.
I definitely don’t claim to be any kind of expert, in fact 90% of what I have learned have been through other friends and much wiser women than myself. Looking forward to having a cup of coffee with you over my blog twice a month, and if not… it’s at least a little bit of self therapy.
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