Lets all be honest with our selves, just for a minute, and admit that the word submission has somewhat of a negative connotation. We find this especially true in today’s world where many women are obsessed with being the best they can be in everything we do, and not reaching our fullest potential, whether it be educational, career, or love life, is considered in most cases failure. While very clearly stated in the Bible (1 peter 3:1) “Wives submit to your husbands”, somehow it is an easily left out subject in marriage as if we could delete it from the scripture altogether. I can see it now… some poor soul quotes this verse during a wedding and half the women on the guest list might stand up for a women’s rights rally march in the middle of the ceremony. Out of context, the word submission brings up thoughts of domineering behavior, verbal abuse, women with low self-esteem, and arrogant men, just to name a few. How has this issue, very clearly stated in the bible, been taken SO out of context?
Enter Downton Abbey. John and I have been watching season 1 on Hulu Plus and we are just starting to get in to it, so bear with me as we get caught up. It’s a show set back in time about a very wealthy British family for those of you who haven’t seen it. In last night’s episode the grandmother (Lady Grantham) told her granddaughter that she wouldn’t/shouldn’t have an opinion on any subject matter until she got married… and after that it would be her husband’s opinion that mattered and not hers, she would be forced to share her husband’s opinion on every issue. This is the perception of submission… not able to have an opinion at all. It kind of made me laugh because I started thinking about my own opinions, and sometimes, well let’s just say I generally ALWAYS have an opinion on things, and am usually quite vocal about them. It’s important to note here that the bible was not written for just one kind of personality, it was written for everyone. I know I have a strong personality and therefore the concept of submission might be more difficult for me to adhere, yet I also know that God “created my inmost being” (psalms 139:13) and he knew I would have an opinion, and a strong one at that. He didn’t create me like this to set me up for failure. He intended to use it for His glory. “All things work together for his glory and our good” (Romans 8:28).
Over the past few years I have been learning about submission through various studies and our church’s small groups. The concept didn’t fully hit home for me until I studied 1 Peter in a women’s bible study about a year ago. The 2nd part of 1 Peter, chapter 2 talks about slaves being submissive to their masters regardless if the master is right or wrong. God makes the reason for this very clear in 1 Peter 2:21 “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps.” When they hurled insults at Christ, he did not retaliate, when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. You can also read Isaiah 53:7 which also talks about Christ submission.
The bible outlines submission by starting with the relationship between master’s and slaves and compares it to Christ submission to unjust suffering on the cross. Paul goes on to explain (1Peter 3:1) “Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands.” You might say, the same way as what? The same way Christ was submissive to God and his sovereignty.
Ok, so I get that God calls me to be submissive, but the more important thing to understand is WHY he calls us to be submissive. 1Peter 3:1 goes on to say “so that, if any of them (ie husbands), do not believe the word, they may be won over without words but by the behavior of their wives”. Read that five times and them meditate on it over night... It took me a long while to fully understand, almost 3 years of marriage.
Paul isn’t saying not to have an opinion; he is saying that wives are to be an example of Christ to their husbands. WOW do you fully get the magnitude of that. Talk about great responsibility! Sometimes this does mean keeping silent even when you know you are right, but it also means loving our husbands just as Christ loved me when I was not lovable. If Christ was submissive and endured the cross for my wrong doings, then the least I can do is submit to my husband as an example of Christ’s love for him. I am untimely submitting to Christ.
While you might ask “how’s that working out for you Laura??” Ha hah, funny you should ask. I said earlier that I am finally beginning to understand it, but fully living out this submission thing is another story. I must say since learning why God calls us to submit, it has helped me, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still a daily struggle. Pregnancy hormones and a toddler haven’t made submitting any easier, and as John says sometimes, I still “see red” and break out the “ugly cry” when things don’t go just as I plan.
In closing, I will say that if this is something you struggle with, know that it will get worse before it gets better. What I mean by that is if your husband isn’t used to you letting his decision be the final decision it can sometimes be uncomfortable for him. And there will be many internal struggles for the both of you. It is new territory that he has to be confident it also. The weight of the decision is now on his shoulders, as it was designed to be because he is the head of the household. While you might want to hold his hand through it, prayer for him is the only strength you can give him. I used to pray for John and then he would come home from work and I would tell him I prayed for his decision-making (not sure why I thought it necessary to tell him). A very wise biblical counselor once told me, “don’t tell him you are praying for him, just do it and watch as God answers your prayers”. Boy was she right!
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