When Everett was born I had quite the dilemma. I had just finished receiving a master’s degree 2 weeks prior, and now I was faced with a decision before even using my degree. 2.5 years of education and money spent to “just stay at home”. At the time I couldn’t fathom it. And in reality, as cute and sweet as his little face was, deep down I still wanted to work. I believe God called me to my profession, so to think he would instead call me to stay home seemed confusing.
I spoke to a lot of friends about my internal battle and decided I would apply for a part time job and if God provided it, which he did, then I would try it for a little bit and see how it felt. In my case, God exceeded my expectations in so many ways including the PERFECT child care situation with our next door neighbor, a woman in her 50s, a teacher, mother, an amazing cook, and let’s just say Everett’s guardian angel. She came to me and offered to keep him because she was going to take a break from teaching for a while. Hello… talk about God saying do not worry about anything “for tomorrow has enough worry of its own.” I had immediate peace about leaving Everett to go back to work.
I got a 20 hr per week job working Monday, Tuesday, Thursday. I LOVED my job. It was everything I could have asked for and more. And NO, I did not think or ever worry about Everett during my days in the office. I know, it sounds kind of non-maternal, but sometimes my instincts are not quite what I see in other women. Don’t get me wrong, I cherish every second with Everett but 20hrs per week of Laura-time was cathartic and I got PAID for it!
About 6 months went by and John started to feel the burden of me working. He didn’t complain but I could tell life seemed more stressful for him on the days I worked. The morning shuffle, late night dinners, things not getting done during the day. And him having to pick up the slack. Even though it was only 3 days a week, I began to realize my decision to work was affecting John, not Everett. Heck, Everett was fine he could have stayed next door 5 days a week and been happy as a lark. People always told me to stay home for your child, but no one ever said stay home for the love of your husband. John knew I loved what I did and always encouraged me to do what I loved. I will never forget the one simple statement he made that changed my mind. “Honey I can’t explain it, things just run better around here when you are at home.” At that point I realized maybe by me staying home John could be a better professional, better father, better husband and ultimately better man.
So is my degree a total waste? Wouldn’t it be wasteful to gain all that knowledge to not use it in a formal work setting? If I had just gotten a high school education staying home would be a no brainer, right? But with 4 years of college and 2.5 years of grad school it just seems harder to stay home. The more I wrestled with my situation, the more I realized my education is an asset to my child. It is gold mine for his ultimate success and well being. Studies have clearly shown that educated mothers have babies that are healthier and more successful in life. The older he gets the more I realize I should forget the master’s degree… I need a PhD to raise this child!
I do not know what God has for our future. I might go back to work in less than a year, or 20 years, I just have no idea. I must trust God’s plan and know that, yes, he called me to be a nurse and a nurse practitioner, but he also called me to be a mother and wife. While all the puzzle pieces don’t seem to fit right now, I know He has an ultimate plan for our life. I realized that working vs. staying home for someone with a promising career can be hard and is a personal decision for each woman and her family. Only you and your family can decided what is best for you.
(Romans 12:1-21) I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.
I know I left out a very large variable of this debate….the financial strain on staying home. I started writing and realized it was a blog post all on its own. Stay tuned for next post, “I can’t afford children”.
