Recently we found out you were abandoned in an intersection of a major city in China. You had a bottle and two hundred dollars with you. I can’t imagine being so desperate for my child to receive the necessary medical care that I would abandon you in a public place, hoping and praying that a kind person would find you and take you to a decent hospital. Or maybe it was a financial decision by your mother/father… I can’t help but ask what would drive me to that point? Could I leave my child, a human being, one of God’s most precious creations, in such a fragile condition on the side of the road? What would I have left you with…? I’m sure whoever dropped you off is full of regrets and questions that they may never find answers to either. We may never know the whole story. You are so strong for having survived those hours if not days of malnutrition and unanswered cries before receiving help from someone.
What can I offer you that your birth father could not? Did they know an American family would adopt you, or even hope for it given your condition? When I think of these things, I look to God to calm my fears.
Tonight I read the story of Jesus calming the waves with a word to your big brother Everett from Matthew 8. We talked about how life can throw storms your way that you will never be able to handle on your own, no matter how strong you are. These men had been fishermen all of their lives and knew better than anyone how to handle a boat in the storm. While they struggled, the Lord slept inside the boat and was at peace with the situation even when the waves were at their worst. In a moment Jesus awoke to the fishermen panicking and commanded the storm to subside, to which it immediately ceased and all was calm again. Even the wind and waves recognized their creator.
Ever since seeing your face and learning your story and name, I can’t wait to hold you in my arms the way our loving heavenly Father does. Life will always throw us these “storms” and even if God does not make them stop, only He is strong enough to see us through them. Reading this story with Everett makes me think of how your “storm “ may always be a sense of abandonment, asking why you were left to fend for yourself as an infant, especially with your heart condition. I hope that one day you will see that God has never left your side on your journey to be my son.
During our community yard sale to help raise funds to bring you home, I met a man who has two adopted children. He was an older man who gave some words of wisdom as he was packing his car. He told me that when you eventually feel like you are not part of our family that I shouldn’t shy away from the truth that you are adopted, but rather embrace it and stress that you are our “chosen child”. With much prayer to God and guidance from Him, we chose you to be part of our family. We were lucky with Everett and Nora, but we chose you. As part of our family you will never be abandoned, no matter what the costs, no matter how many miles we must travel to pull you from an orphanage, no matter how many surgeries you may need upon coming home, no matter how many stares we get at the grocery store or out in public, no matter how many questions you ask about your birth parents that we may never answer, no matter how many hugs and kisses it takes to wipe away your tears and let you know that you are safe with us, we will never abandon you.
The storm may never go away, but as your father I will be here to help you through it. With less than two months away from us meeting, and each day bringing us closer to your permanent home… my storm of getting through the longest wait of my life seems to finally be subsiding.
-Dad
